This morning I woke up to cold and wind! The gusts were up to 20 mph so I decided to do tomorrow’s workout today and save my run for tomorrow morning. I really struggled mentally to get through my workout. I’ve been struggling lately with this. I think maybe because I’m not going to the gym anymore? It really helps me to get in the mindset when I’m in that environment. I thought about giving up a couple of times but I just ignored myself and kept pushing:) I made it to the end! Afterall, it is not an option to quit!
Parker and Alaina were up before my last few pushups. I am sure Parker woke Alaina up, which I am not a fan of! They stayed occupied upstairs while I finished up my workout. In fact I heard Parker come down and peek at me and he probably knew he would be sent back up so he went on his own.
I have to say I have become quite selfish with my alone time in the mornings. It is so important to me that I often send kids back upstairs and tell them it is not time to wake up or tell them to read in their bed or play quietly until I am ready for them to come down.
Before I learned that it was okay for me to take care of myself, I would have felt so guilty and never would have protected my time like that. Now, I must have that time to myself and with God. I protect it like it is life or death, because in a way it is. There is nothing more important than my relationship with God, so it was time I started treating it that way. AND I don’t know how on earth I thought I could take care of everyone else without making sure I was healthy! I was drowning, stressed out all the time and always felt like I was taking my last breath to help everyone else. There was not much left of me…until I made my relationship with God and my selfcare a priority. Now I can face the day feeling refreshed, strong and energized.
Today was a LONG day!! Parker and Alaina pretty much finished up with school by noon but Addie was still not done by 4:00! I was still working on stuff for work at that time as well. It was a very stressful day for this reason. My skin was seriously crawling! I finally just told Addie we would finish up tomorrow (even though it is Good Friday and we all have the whole day off:() I then declared we were going on our walk! With much complaint, we went. It was cold and windy! Yesterday it was shorts and tank tops and today it was winter coats and hot chocolate. So so sad! Needless to say our walk did not last long.
After dinner we had a very special Zoom call with our small group! We miss them so much! It was such a blessing to see their faces and to laugh together again. There really is something to seeing faces! This Zoom thing is becoming a big part of my life lately. Not sure what to think. LOL
Speaking of Zoom, today I chatted with my students again (like most days Mon-Fri from 12-1). Today I tried to have a bit of a focus on preparing them for next year and some tips for the soon to be juniors. I really enjoyed teaching them and helping them focus on the fact that there is an end to this and there is a future!
I REALLY miss them. I didn’t realize until today how much I really miss being around all of them. I don’t think I have ever mentioned how much I love my job and my students. I know God designed me to be a school counselor! This was the exact job he created me for! It is where I thrive and where my heart is. I feel I have lost part of myself not being able to exercise my gifts in the ways I normally do by being with the kids. But do not worry…I am praying and thinking of ways that I can creatively love on my students from home!!
Final thoughts and challenge: I am starting to notice how much my routines and habits that I established before this pandemic are carrying me through this difficult time. The old me would have resorted to all my old habits of unhealthy eating, putting God on the backburner, having angry outbursts (this does happen now too, don’t let me fool you…just not as often), and a feeling of hopelessness would take over me. Looking back I am so thankful for the series of events that got me here, including God strengthening my faith and relationship with Him, him putting my fitness coach in my life to teach me new life systems and much more. I am so thankful that I can see through a different lense when looking at this pandemic. I am not saying I am not struggling by any means, what I am saying is I have something to fall back on when I want to cave or when I “just can’t”.
What would it be like if you tried to change your routines, or added some new systems to your life? How would life be different for you if you made yourself a priority? What if you focused on being healthy again…spiritually, emotionally and physically? You can do these things if you want to! Let me know if you need a little nudge in the right direction:)